Bruce Lansky, Author. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. On the Green In Two. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. Andy who? "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! Why are computers such naturally good golfers? It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. Just ask my ex -wives. Whos there? Fore! You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? Because he walked into the wrong club! As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. Achieve more with each and every round you play. Peter Jacobson, 33. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? The battle that raged inside each players head. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Golf is like doing your taxes. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. Is everything okay?. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. What does a golfer do on his day off? 19. Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. "Golf is my profession. "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". They expect to succeed! Twelfth son of the Lama. Mini Golf Captions. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. If we . Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. Lift your head and spread your legs. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? Roarin' Mcllroy Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? ", Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Two rounds a day are plenty. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. Why not! I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. They have a hard drive. Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? Noah who? That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Wodehouse, 31. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. Whats the difference between golf and sex? Nothing. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. Clubbing. Sam Snead. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? Golf is more complicated than that. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. Id cry too if I played golf like you. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Photo: Shutterstock. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. We have a threesome, care to join us? Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Try choking donw on the shaft. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Knock, knock Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? Dirty Golf Sayings. Tahiti. Because it would interrupt their tea time. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. -Lee Trevino 1. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. had to choose, right ? P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. If you break 80, watch your business.". The smile looks really good on you. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. 3. Your second mental problem is concentration. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. After 18 holes I can barely walk. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. Required fields are marked *. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. 3. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. And that thought is: Dont think. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. When is it too wet to play golf? My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. What did the duck say to the golf ball? Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Bye Bye Birdie. My shaft is bent. 4. Play golf. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. 8. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Intercourse! -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. Missed the ball and sank the divot. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Because they might get a slice. Another Ball in the Trees. Damn, girl. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. Do you share these funny golf jokes? These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." All he knows how to play with is Clubs! He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. You look like someone who likes to swing. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. My drives aren't always long and straight. 1. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. All through the night they made wild love together. Wash your balls. Whos there? Spread your legs a little more. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. Wanna be my caddy? Funny Family Poems. Does a bear crap in the woods? And now it will be poisoned for you. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. Andy. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Any birdie will do. Golf is a lot like life. 2. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. Do you know what the Lama says? After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. How do you know you should be a golfer? The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! At the golf corpse! After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! Besides that, I love to explore. Jack Benny. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. Your fifth putt. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. 1. A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. 1. the flag cant jump. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! They have been there where we are standing now. I am a Musician. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. Man: Please dont go. It took one afternoon on the golf course. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?"
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